Consistency is My Kryptonite
why that standard parenting advice doesn't work for us ADHD moms
If you’ve ever read a parenting book that says, “Just be consistent!” and immediately felt your soul leave your body… hi, you’re my people.
Because here’s the thing:
I know consistency is supposed to be the holy grail of parenting.
I also know that for many neurodivergent (ND) parents — especially the ones raising ND kids — it’s like asking a cat to enjoy a bubble bath. (I also know I wasn’t supposed to eat the entire sleeve of Oreos)
We don’t do neat, predictable, perfectly laminated chore charts.
We do “Oh no, the dentist appointment was yesterday” and “Wait, bedtime is when?!”
And you know what? That’s not a moral failing. That’s an executive functioning reality. So let’s get real and figure out the work-around that works for us.
Why Consistency Feels Impossible for ND Parents
Let’s break this down so we can stop beating oursdelves up:
Our brains don’t run on autopilot.
Neurotypical parents can sometimes set a routine and coast. ND brains? We’re re-inventing the wheel every. single. time.We’re parenting our kids, not neurotypical kids.
ND kids don’t always respond to the same input the same way — Tuesday’s magical routine may completely bomb on Wednesday.Life isn’t static.
Schedules shift, expectations change, needs evolve, hormones explode, and someone just flushed an Ariel doll down the toilet so she could get home. 🤦🏻♀️ Good luck keeping that sticker chart relevant.
The Lie of “Perfect Consistency”
You’ve been sold the idea that without perfect follow-through, your child will end up lawless, snack-dependent, and living in your basement at 40.
Reality check?
Your kids need safety and predictability — not robot-level precision.
And for ND families, that predictability can come in more flexible, human ways.
What to Try Instead
1. Consistency in connection, not just routine.
If bedtime is late, still do the silly handshake or the “goodnight, I love you, and don’t forget you’re awesome” ritual. That’s what sticks.
2. Anchor points, not strict schedules.
Think “after breakfast we do teeth” instead of “teeth must be brushed by 8:05 sharp.” An easy one for us is “[insert request] before gaming starts.”
3. Forgive and reboot.
Missed your morning plan? No shame. Just pick a small win for the rest of the day and move on. Mini wins are enough.
For the ND Mom Who Feels Like She’s Failing
You’re not failing.
You’re navigating parenting on expert mode — with a brain that wasn’t designed to run on default settings, while raising kids who also don’t fit the default model.
Your “inconsistency” might actually be responsiveness.
Your “chaos” might be adaptability.
And your kids aren’t looking for a perfect routine-robot mom, despite what those Instagram reels are telling you. Your kids are looking for you — the one who loves them enough to try, fail, laugh, and try again.
So yes, consistency might be your kryptonite… but love, creativity, and resilience? Those are your superpowers.
PS: If you needed permission today to stop beating yourself up about being “all over the place” — here it is. You’re doing great, even if the sticker chart is buried under laundry.
Need a community that gets you? You need A different kind of support group
Little Me thanks you for tending to your kids. For nurturing them. For fostering their strengths and incredible minds. I hope they always think you’re awesome and are grateful.
Little Me cries himself to sleep far too often.
Thank you Stacey!! This is just what I needed to read. I appreciate you!