Welcome to Conscious Parenting ADHD, The Coachcast.
I’m Stacey Yates-Seller.
In each short, sanity-saving episode, we break down the problems and build up the strategies in real time with tools you can apply today.
Because you don’t need more advice—you just need the right advice for you and your child.
Let go of outdated parenting strategies.
Despite advice from TV nannies, your mom, and some parenting experts, authoritarian timeouts, corporal punishments (that’s spanking or hitting), yelling, shame, and bribery don’t work long term.
And there is science and research to prove they can actually cause harm.
They may work short-term, but kids will become resentful, fearful, and will just look for new ways to subvert your control.
This is well-researched and documented. So if you think it’s hard now, it’s critical that you learn not only what to do—but also what not to do.
Let me explain.
Imagine there’s a flood in your bathroom.
You could mop the water off the floor, throw down towels, or scoop it up with a bucket. That works temporarily—but you haven’t found the cause of the flood.
Is it the shower?
The toilet?
The sink?
The pipes?
This is critical. Because when we only solve the symptom—the behavior—with outdated strategies like corporal punishment or timeouts, it’s just temporary.
When we don’t solve the core issue—what’s causing the behavior—you’ll keep fighting the flood. It will get worse, and there will be damage in areas you can’t even see.
Hopefully that illustration helps you understand why those temporary fixes don’t work.
Let’s take one outdated strategy: spanking.
It may shock you, but 35–40% of parents still spank their children. I’ve even seen it recommended in Facebook groups.
Children spanked frequently or severely are at a higher risk for mental health problems ranging from anxiety and depression to alcohol and drug abuse.
Spanking doesn’t teach appropriate behavior. It models aggression, power, and control. And it loses effectiveness over time.
The truth is, most parents spank out of aggravation, impulse, or anger. Often, it’s simply because it’s the only thing we know to do.
We don’t know another way to discipline, so spanking becomes the first line of defense because we think it works in the moment.
We react aggressively because we feel out of control. And none of us wants to feel out of control—we want to get that control back.
But the evidence is clear: children who are regularly spanked show increased aggression.
Not only does spanking not work long term—it causes real harm.
Outdated strategies like this create shame, fear, and low self-esteem. Children feel we’re angry at them because their behavior becomes linked to who they are as a person.
The result? Many children live in fear of disappointing us—if not outright terror of us.
Personality, character, and core beliefs about who we are and how the world works are developed in the first seven years of life.
For many kids, this becomes the beginning of a lifelong battle with not feeling good enough. Some of you listening might know that feeling all too well.
One of the core needs of every child is attachment to a consistent, reliable caregiver—one who is safe, secure, and accepting. They want to feel safe.
And those outdated strategies don’t create safety.
If we don’t address the cause, no amount of timeouts, tokens, threats—or towels in our flooded bathroom—will reduce behaviors in the long term.
If we don’t understand the why behind the behavior—the unmet need, the frustration, the lagging skill, the hunger, the exhaustion—we will never truly support that child.
We sometimes hear people say: “That child is just seeking attention.”
Yes.
And our job is to figure out what needs attention.
If a child is simply seeking interaction with a parent, that is deeply telling too.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Albert Einstein:
“You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.”
That means we need to look at things differently. We need new information, new perspectives—because what we’ve been doing isn’t working.
The fact that you’re here, listening, learning, and trying to see things in a new way—you’re already winning. Things are going to shift for you.
When we have a toolbox of healthier ways to respond to behavior, we won’t need to fall back on outdated discipline that leads to negative outcomes.
And remember: the goal isn’t perfection. It’s connection.
We’ll see you next time.
If you’d like to be coached on a future episode, send me a quick message—I’d love to support you and your family.
And if this episode brought you clarity, confidence, or comfort, please subscribe.
And of course, share it with another parent who could use a little more peace in their parenting journey.
See you next time.
